


Remember You Anywhere

by prompt_fills



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Curses, Friendship, M/M, Magical Realism, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-21
Updated: 2015-08-21
Packaged: 2018-04-16 10:44:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4622373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prompt_fills/pseuds/prompt_fills
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kimi never talked about his curse, doing his best to ignore it completely. It might have worked out, if it weren't for one insistent Spaniard.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Remember You Anywhere

_I left alone. I left the world, I was running,_   
_to be by your side I was dying,_   
_alone by your side I was flying._   
_I came alone, I’ve come a long way to get here,_   
_the leaves that fall to my feet, at home,_   
_they mean nothing to me._

  
_(At Home by Crystal Fighters)_

Kimi managed not to flinch as Fernando’s left arm came around his shoulders while he enthusiastically shook Kimi’s right. “What a race! Congrats, man.”

Kimi nodded. “Thanks.”

“I tried and tried but Felipe really wanted you to win,” Fernando said and Kimi snapped his head to the side to glare at the Spaniard only to find him grinning cheekily. How could he smile and joke right after definitively having lost the battle for the title was beyond Kimi. Although, Fernando had already won it before so maybe it was different for him now.

With a start, Kimi realized that from now on, the challenge may feel different to him, too.

His throat constricted, suddenly so dry he couldn’t swallow. He turned to Jean but instead of getting a gulp of water, he was ushered to the podium.

It was the first warning sign but Kimi never realized, too preoccupied with his triumph.

He could barely believe a single point got him the title. He kept half-expecting a McLaren official to file a complaint to get either of their drivers ahead. But the time for the appeal came and went and the title remained with him.

The winter break was eventful but over quickly. Way too soon he was back in Melbourne, the vicious circle starting anew.

He run into Fernando the moment he stepped out of his hotel room. Kimi thought Fernando would be giving everyone from Ferrari a wide berth after Nigel but here he was, in the hallway, wanting to speak with Kimi. Kimi sighed and let him in. It wasn’t like he was heading for a team meeting or anything.

“So, how’s the reigning champion feeling?” Fernando stepped inside and smiled at him, a genuine smile without the usual gleam of malice Kimi got used to seeing in everyone’s eyes lately.

“Like defending my title.”

“You can try,” Fernando smirked. “But really, how have you been?”

“Good.” Kimi hadn’t been good. He had been feeling strange since October. When he woke up on the 22nd, he decided to chalk it up to the hangover. But the feeling wasn’t gone by the end of the month and Kimi could no longer hope it was just the exhaustion that hit him because the sense of wrongness went much deeper. “Real good.”

“Glad to hear it,” Fernando grinned. “You don’t look like you’re on the top of the world, though.”

No one else had noted and no one else had commented. Everyone assumed he was just being his usual self. Kimi folded his arms and didn’t offer Fernando to sit down. “You wanted something?”

“Ah, yeah. Me and Bob are having a poker night today. I already asked Jarno and he said that him and Timo would be coming for sure.”

“Good for you.”

Fernando looked like he was trying hard not to roll his eyes at Kimi. “ _And_ I was wondering if you’d care to join us.”

“No.”

Fernando deflated.

“Try asking Rosberg.”

“Will do. Worried about losing, eh?” Fernando was finally heading towards the door but then he stopped and threw one more scrutinizing look at Kimi. “You sure you’re okay?”

Kimi didn’t dignify that with an answer, he just rolled his eyes and shoved Fernando out of his room. A shiver run down his spine when the Spaniard was out of sight. Kimi pushed his shoulders back and twisted his head sideways, trying to shake off the cold tension sitting at the nape of his neck.

Kimi didn’t count on Fernando asking over and over again. Sometimes it was poker, sometimes an evening spent out drinking, sometimes Fernando tried to talk him into a tennis match. Declining the offers made Kimi feel bad, so eventually, he agreed to join Fernando for a run. The way Fernando’s eyes lit up when he really arrived was something he couldn’t get out of his mind.

The evenings the Spaniard would show up to boss him around became something to look forward to and the first half of the season went on relatively smoothly. Then, in the second week of August, he and Fernando got into an ugly argument. Someone from the media caught up on their tentative friendship and when Kimi told Fernando they should cool it down a bit before anyone got the wrong impression, the Spaniard prickled. The resulting argument was short but hurtful. The Spaniard hotly asked if Kimi would rather he fucked off completely and Kimi said it would be the best idea.

Fernando slammed the door behind himself as he stormed off. From that point, he started ignoring Kimi.

It hurt more than it should have, Kimi thought. The worst of it all was the unyielding feeling Kimi assumed was guilt that made his heart heavy. Kimi could already anticipate the many miserable weeks that were ahead of him.

Valencia was a mess and by the time he got himself in check it was nearly October again. The calendar was back to eighteen rounds but the season would stretch till November.

One late evening in Oyama came an unexpected knock on Kimi’s door. His traitorous heart skipped a beat, like it did every time someone from the team came to talk to him. Cursing himself, Kimi yanked the door open and found Fernando shifting on his feet, looking sheepish, a pack of cards in his hand as a peace offering.

Kimi’s breath caught in his throat and his stomach felt like he missed a step when running down the stairs. He started to shiver. He looked at Fernando, eyes wide.

“Jesus Christ, are you okay?” Fernando cried out.

Kimi opened his mouth to assure Fernando he was doing just great, when a sharp, burning pain run through him. He hissed, reaching his hand backwards to feel around for something he could hold onto in case his legs gave out.

He felt weak and something icy was spreading through his chest in bursts of piercing pain.

“I just need–” Kimi started, stumbling backwards until his legs hit the edge of a bed.

When he blinked his eyes open, the pain was gone altogether. Fernando’s concerned face was hovering over him and his hand had slipped under Kimi’s shirt.

Kimi smacked the hand away, sitting up. “What are you doing?”

Fernando stepped back and offered Kimi a hand to help him up. Kimi ignored the outstretched hand.

“I was just worried! I couldn’t feel your heartbeat!”

Kimi got up to his feet. “I don’t have a heart, haven’t you heard?”

Fernando ignored the statement. “Shouldn’t I call someone?”

“No. But good idea. I’ll go talk to my physio about taking it easy tomorrow.” He gestured to Fernando to leave the room and he walked out himself. Fernando paused in the hallway, turning to Kimi, but Kimi didn’t want to hear anything his friend had to say. He shouldered past him, feigning more confidence than he felt. The further he walked the less all right he felt. He swallowed against the wave of nausea that hit his as he was waiting for an elevator, closing his eyes briefly and taking a moment to compose himself.

This was not good, not at all.

Kimi didn’t defend the title and the pain haven’t disappeared.

He had himself checked but the medical tests revealed nothing and that could only mean one thing.

The first thing he did when he got back home was set out to the forest, through the narrow, snow-covered paths and up the steep slopes. He found the place easily, though he hadn’t been there many times before. He had no reason to be there before. Now he stood near the lake he remembered from his childhood. An enormous oak tree that grew on the south bank was a new addition. For a few moments, Kimi watched in dismay as the tree grew; the branches stretching high up to the sky, fresh, green leaves blowing in the wind. Kimi took a few steps towards it but he didn’t dare to touch the bark. When he was this close, he could _feel_ the tree getting stronger. The coldness Kimi felt seep into him wasn’t natural.

He wanted nothing to do with this all but he didn’t have a choice. He stumbled back home, sitting down heavily at the kitchen table. His mother stood silently behind him, her soft hands gripping his shoulders. He didn’t tell her anything. Judging by the long, sad look she gave him, she knew what was happening. Maybe she even knew more about the whole situation than Kimi but he didn’t ask.

Kimi was going stir crazy over the winter. Trying to get his mind off things by competitively driving on snow around Rovaniemi for two days in January didn’t help any but at least proved to be a great escape.

The following season, Kimi begun to see a pattern but he could never predict when the biting pain was about to attack him, leaving him shaken and chilled deep to the bone. One thing was for sure, Fernando could both provoke the pain to soar to life, and soothe it away. Kimi found that alarming.

The persistent Spaniard would invite Kimi to join in a game of poker and Kimi, feeling masochistic, would occasionally agree. He knew he couldn’t go on like this much longer. He may have got used to waking up to the cold sensation overpowering his senses but felt vaguely nauseated whenever he thought about what it all might mean. Fernando could have been a great friend but Kimi couldn’t risk keeping him close.

Kimi knew that he needed to get away but it was the weekend spent in Budapest that finally convinced him he was making a good decision. With his teammate in coma, things were put into a different perspective.

Kimi didn’t even have a chance to talk to Fernando after the Hungarian GP and, four days later, he way rallying on gravel.

Four months later, he was making a statement about his ‘sabbatical’.

Kimi got to know Kaj who was ten years older and who had seen enough magical curses in his life not to be surprised by Kimi. Kimi didn’t have to explain anything; Kaj shook Kimi’s hand, winced slightly, looked him in the eyes, nodded, and never brought it up. Kimi wished his heart had chosen someone like Kaj. Mild, unassuming Kaj. Wonderful, loyal Kaj who never once said Kimi’s landings were too nose-heavy, even if they were.

Everyone was whispering how he was shorting his jumps, trying too hard, commentators were tittering that he was driving one-dimensionally more than not.

Still, rally wasn’t a mistake, no matter what Juha might have said. If nothing else, getting away felt good. For a while.

Then he started getting restless again.

Kimi thought about moving out of Europe. Foster thought it was a good idea and Kimi flew over to North Carolina to try his hand at Nascar racing. It was something else, again. But at least it was racing, door to door racing.

It was the best getaway Kimi could manage. And it wasn’t enough.

Getting used to F1 again was a challenge. Leaving had been easy. That felt like the right thing to do, like everything was working out in Kimi’s favour. At that time, he thought it was a solution. Returning now was acknowledging his defeat.

Saving the wreckage of the friendship they had with Fernando was less awkward than Kimi had anticipated. The Spaniard wasn’t one to hold grudges and when Kimi showed up for a game of poker, Fernando just shrugged and let him in.

Rosberg was sitting in Trulli’s usual place so Kimi sat down to his left. Kubica’s usual place, he realized. So many things had changed during the two seasons but too many things were the same. Kimi dealt the cards, watching the twitch of Fernando’s lips betray his cards.

One thing he definitely didn’t miss were the drivers parades. He briefly skimmed the group of drivers before spotting Fernando in an animated conversation with Webber. He walked to them, leaning against the railing next to Fernando, hoping everyone would leave him alone.

Fernando turned to him after a while. “You’re doing all right?”

“Yes,” Kimi lied. He was cold, despite the scorcher.

They were standing too close together but Kimi didn’t mind. He looked at the Spaniard and tried to smile. “How have you been?”

“Real good,” Fernando answered easily.

Kimi felt like he was being forgiven.

“Listen,” Kimi said later on when he and Fernando were alone, “about that argument we had–”

Fernando looked at him sharply, the intensity behind the stare momentarily derailing Kimi. “Yes?” Fernando prompted after a while.

Kimi took in a calming breath. “I lashed out because it was important to me, what the others may think.”

“It was important to me, too,” Fernando said slowly.

The jolt of a cold sensation washing over him was immediate. Kimi shivered.

Fernando held the back of his hand to Kimi’s forehead but his hand quickly slid down to touch Kimi’s cheek, then the side of his neck. “Jesus,” Fernando breathed. “You must be freezing.”

Fernando withdrew his hand and it felt like the sun hid behind the clouds.

Kimi laughed bitterly.

Fernando laid his hand on Kimi’s forearm, the warmth seeping into Kimi’s skin again and spreading from there.

Kimi was tired of everything. “I needed to get away from you. You felt like a poison.”

Fernando didn’t seem to take any offense. “I know the feeling.”

“You really don’t,” Kimi sighed. “I need to tell you something.” Fernando looked at him, his dark eyes serious and focused. Kimi opened his mouth to tell him everything, to try to explain and make Fernando understand but the moment he tried to speak he found out he couldn’t talk about the curse. He gulped but the icy grip on his throat didn’t relent. “I needed a break,” Kimi said finally, because that was true, too.

“From me?”

Kimi nodded mutely.

Fernando groaned. “I guess I can sometimes be too much to stomach.”

“No, I like having you around,” Kimi admitted. “It helps me,” he said, relieved he can confess this much.

Fernando gave him a scrutinizing look. “With the cold?”

Kimi nodded.

“Is it a curse? The cold?”

Kimi nodded again, because, Fernando was right, in a sense.

“So, this?” Fernando’s fingers traced the thin circle of the sun tattoo on Kimi’s forearm.

“Didn’t help.”

An uneasy silence settled between them; Fernando was probably wondering if Kimi had gone crazy and Kimi was trying to find a way around the cure so he could make Fernando understand.

“So, this curse,” Fernando broke the silence first, “Can’t you at least tell me?”

“I can show you,” Kimi surprised himself by saying.

Kimi showed him the axe.

“I don’t understand. So you’re a woodcutter?”

“No,” Kimi nearly snarled.

Fernando held up his hand. “I’m listening.”

Kimi pushed the axe to Fernando. “I really think it would be better if I could show you.”

“I have the next week free,” Fernando beamed at him.

“Like a sunshine,” Kimi realized.

“What was it?”

“Nothing.”

With Fernando in tow, Kimi flew back to show Fernando the oak tree. Once again, he walked thought the forest, up and down the narrow paths leading them to the lake.

The ground shook and the mountain on the horizon kept moving, as if it were a cloud, blown by a strong wind.

“Kimi,” Fernando said, voice a hushed whisper. “What is this place?”

“Home,” Kimi said simply. There was a huge oak tree in front of them, its leaves turning brown already, though the summer had scarcely begun.

Kimi was walking a few steps ahead, leaves crunching under his feet. He looked down at them, his expression pensive. “I’ve waited a long time,” he said. “I hope I haven’t waited too long.”

Something dark flashed in Fernando’s eyes. “What do we need to do? Uproot the tree?”

Kimi felt a real smile creep on his face, he couldn’t help himself. “You can try that.”

Fernando rolled up his sleeves, eyeing the tree.

“You don’t have to do this,” Kimi reminded Fernando.

“I don’t mind,” Fernando said. “I’ll be careful.”

“You really–”

“I’m not running away,” Fernando said firmly, “I’m not.”

“Good,” Kimi muttered.

Fernando picked up the axe and set to work.

With the first swipe, Kimi’s heart started beating fast. It was a startlingly new feeling.


End file.
